new size

today is 10-10-10 and I fit into size 16 jeans today!! YAHOO! size 14 here I come.

toddler testing

As you have read I have a 31/2 yr old she is a spirited and sweet little girl. What you  need to know about her is she is just like her mom...STUBBORN! I mean that is the best way I am who I am because I don't listen to nos. Now as the mom of a girl who don't take no, I am finding it very challenging. She has a sense of style that I don't not understand. She wants to wear what she wants and no matter my great advice she will not bend. Needless to say this has lead to may "discussions". I am sad to say most of these "discussions" have been me yelling and her not responding.

I was raised in a yelling home. When my dad yelled you moved or else. I thought thats what you did you got your kids to fear you and then if you yelled they jumped, Now my husband's family were not yellers in fact my husband will avoid conflict at all costs. And he had a talk one night when I feeling like my daughter was just listening and heading in the "wrong direction" (yes I am always over exagratting things). He said something that has changed my view of life and my daughter. He said "When you yell, she shuts down."

So crazy and simple stop yelling and she can communiate her needs, It has worked I have not yelled in weeks and she seems to be more open by the day.

It is hard to have this old dogs learn new tricks but my daughter is worth it.

small steps = big step in life

well I did I joined a gym. I meet with a personal trainer and that was a BAD experience. Not only did I hear what I know (I am way out of shape) I hear that I am old and there is no hope for me unless I get a personal trainer for the rest of my life because I guess there is not much life left anyway. (young 20 year old stupid outlook on life)...life starts after 30 right?!

Really, I am not going to let that deter me from be successful in my health journey...skinny jeans here I come!

Birthday coming and life goes on.

Tomorrow I turn 29 (again) and I always thought by this age life I should be living "the life". If you did not have things together by now, then live with it. Since my 20's I have changed my tune, imagine that!

Resorted to finding different ways of doing things, think about things and avoid things. I have talked a little about my life (like many) that is too busy because I make it too busy. This year I am determined to make it "different". What was good enough in the past is not passing the grade any more and priorities much change in every part of my life. I have cut off all my hair in order to, for the first time since I have been married, find style. You may think that is a crazy priority, and you may be right...I have to start some where.

With a new style, a new out look on life, this year will be a great adventure. I am looking for ways to spend more time with the ones I love and less time with the things that cause sleepless nights.

I know this is a dream for may of us and I am going to find small steps to bring the new dream closer to reality.

-J (new woman on a mission)

who said ministry can't be fun?

so about 7 months ago Kevin tells me about that he has been asked to do a prayer conference in two small towns for a week in August. I say great.
Well as the dates rolls closer I realize that it is one of my busiest weeks at work right before school starts.Well we decide we are a family in ministry first so Sam and I decide to go with to northern MN. We pack for a week with a 3 yr old on the road. We find out at our first church we are staying at a hotel and the people of the church will be providing our meals. (FYI giving up control of anything is hard but one of my loves is food, giving up control over all of meals for a week for me and my 3 yr old took alot of faith.) And the second church we are staying with the pastor's family and yes I have never meet them.

So as crazy as I felt that is week ahead may be we pack up the car and drive for hours.

I was right it was a crazy but such a great week. I have so many fun memories of the people and the services went wonderfully. We even had a clown show up at our hotel to make balloon animals for Sam.

I took a risk and supported my husband's dream and I was the one who won in the end. I made great friends, we bonded as a family, and I grew as a mom/woman.

With the good, the bad and the ugly (meltdown with a 3yr old first night at a pastor's home - NIGHTMARE!) I am only going to remember the good and for me that is growth!!

work work and more work

I work part time for a great school. I am in charge of fundraising, marketing, lunch, enrollment and anything or event that happens in the school. I do all this in 25 hour a week. Yes all these jobs can and are full time. So I seem to do alot of work from home with late nights. I wish I could set my foot down and say no, but when your not the boss no is not an option. I feel like some things don't get done with all of my abilities and just get done. Which is not my personality you put 100% into everything but if I did that I would never see my family.

I am hearing from many people this is what they feel too. Why do we do this is it to pay the bills or is there something different?

I am on a quest to say no and find out why I work full time with part time pay.

diet equals lifestyle?

well today I am putting out a there something I have tried to keep on the down low.(I am not sure I am cool enough to use that phrase) any way, I have made a lifestyle change that is big. Easter weekend 2010 I decided it was time to change my body. I went on a diet, I was heavy enough to something drastic, but surgery was not for me. I talked to my husband and we talked about making family changes. We cut out a junk food from the house (throw it all away) and made a calorie plan. We eat 1500 calories a day, plus exercise. AHHH! was my first reaction to the word exercise and some days it still is :) I am learning to move more and have more energy to do so.

BALANCE is my new life style. Finding good food with low calories and when I need something "oohey and gooey" I can eat it if I make a sacrifice...extra exercise or more carrots for dinner.

I am out of plus sizes and waiting for the day people can tell I have lost 25 lbs. When you are heavy as I was (or am) people can't tell your weight lose as well as thinner people.

When someone says something it will be a day to celebrate until then celebrating my own victories

spots spots every where...

Today I had to work an extra day and bring my sick daughter to work. She has a melt down as my mom tries to take her to lunch because mommy has a meeting and can't go with. Then I leave work late and get home. Sit down to dinner and look over a see my daughter has broken out in spots from head to toe. I am so overwhelmed with emotions. Did I miss this when we were at work, is she that sick and I took her to work, GUILT, GUILT...

I called my MIL and she told me what it is and She will be fine. Just a heart check today. I need to be there for her and drop everything but with out a job we will be together living in a box...so tough being a mom!

what a day...

So my life is all about the balance between structure and flexibility. We have a very structure life. We work within a family budget, have meals planned out every week (used to be every month), our home schedule is very defined and so is each family members role. Yet like most people our life is crazy. We trend to be in a new church every Sunday. When I take a vacation it always seems to be to go help family or go to a church. We have no outside activities for like sports or dance, so I often think why is our schedule so crazy.

I know I can't be alone that my part time job is full time and so is my husbands. they could both be done by several people and keep both people busy full time. But we schedule our life's together to spend time with our daughter. We try to always have one of us with her during the day (saving money and getting time with her)

Emotions are running high and energy is running low. How much longer can we continue doing 3 full time jobs? Only God knows I guess. The busy weeks are upon us in August...more ranting will be coming.

so crazy.....

trying this again

Well I have forgotten how to get into my last blog so I am now here. I am going to use this blog as a sounding board and a way to try an figure out how to make it through life one day at time. In the last couple months I have started a diet, my job has gone for part time to full with out a pay increase, husbands ministry is going international to some scary countries, and my daughter has made huge trides to becoming a big girl (potty training and no more nuks) but her speech is very under developed and I am getting worried.

Our family works unlike most. My husband and I both work part time jobs that expect full time hours and we split the time at home to watch our daughter plus we are on the road every weekend for his ministry. We are always going but never going down the same road twice.

We attend a great church but only on the occasional Sunday when we are not on the road.

I love our life. But it can be overwhelming. And I am going to blog about it