Unofficial Christmas Letter

Every year my husband sends out a witty Christmas letter to all of our friends and family. Well this year that is not happening, so I thought I would give you a blog version of our annual Christmas letter.

2018 has been a year of many ups and downs....or time to move on moments. Yes, I know Christmas letters are all about the best highlights of your life but let's get real. Life is hard, full of sadness and learning moments. This year I am going to share with you one things each of our family members learned.

This year our fearless leader, Kevin, has started a new adventure. He is doing a podcast! Yes before this happened I thought it was only high tech people listened to podcasts - I guess, I am way out of the loop. He has been in "busy moments" most of our marriage and this podcast has made him slow down and listen. Not the easiest thing to do, or to learn. He is also learning through this he must speak up. He has a unique point of view in life and I love hearing him lean into what God is doing and sharing it with others on a larger scale.

Then we have me...well I blog all the time about my mess ups, short comings and other adventures. In this I letter will highlight my health. I started the year off finding out I had diabetes. Yes a big game changer, I went on a KETO diet which then in turn gave me weekly kidney stones, then the flu which lead to pneumonia. It was a rough 4 months! Needless to say I have spent most of the year trying to figure out how to be a healthier me. In this journey I have learned more than anything else trust myself, so may "experts" will give things to do that are just not right for you. Health is about the whole you, not just physically! I am working on inner self talk and self acceptance.

Our dog, Caspian, well he has learned to drive me crazy! No seriously he has become a dog for every person. He plays with Kevin, snuggles with Samantha and eats what I drop on the ground when cooking. He goes every where we can take him, we just love his joyful tail wagging and acceptance of all of us being unique.

Lastly our daughter...She has learned she can overcome any fear. She ended her 5th grade year by speaking in front of over 400 people, going on her first ever none church camp, graduating from her elem. school to have to start a new middle school. She has joined sports for the first time and started a new instrument. Plus she learned she loves roller-coasters!!!! All things she never thought she could do she has conquered and learned worry should not stop you from going outside your comfort zone. Her bravery is inspiring as she looks forward to doing as many crazy things on our trip to Israel.

Yes it has been a big year for all of us. We make it through one day at a time like all of you. We struggle and laugh. We cry and dance. We are just like all of you. Yet we look different...on the outside people can look like they have it all together, and we never see them holding on to God's power to make it through the tough days. 

Our prayer for you this season is to reflect on what kind of year God has brought you through. It has truly been an awesome year!! I am counting my blessings this season for adventures, health, providing our needs, and bravery!

Merry Christmas from the Senapatiratne's

Changes in Fall 2018

This season has been a season of change for my family. My job is the same yet busier, my husband has added a podcast, and the biggest change is for my young daughter...MIDDLE school.

I have been nervous about middle school since I was in middle school. It is a time of lots of change, emotions, and for her a new school. She is doing great with the change, loves her school, she is in 2 sports, in band, yearbook and she LOVES her youth group - anything you can get involved with she is trying! She has been on 3 over night trips this fall and makes my life look boring. She is making good friends, liking her teachers, enjoying a connect group and really coming out of her shell. I am a proud mom. 

Now, I know many of you have asked how am I doing with the changes....I am taking them one day at a time! Honestly, I am struggling. With all this change all around me I am feeling lost. I see her thriving, I see my husband starting a new adventure and I feel stuck in the routine of life to keep things moving for them.

I have always thrived on routine, yet now I am craving adventure. I am have spent the last few years on auto pilot. I have spent the last few months focused on getting through today and ignoring my our desires for something bigger. Is this all God has planned?

Then last night I was volunteering with 3rd - 5th grade girls, we are talking about family. I got up to share about my family and felt like I needed to share my story of my faith for a child. I cried as I shared about how sometimes life is not what we hoped (especially our families), yet God has a bigger plan for us than our current circumstance. I shared how I wanted a big family, yet having one child was a miracle. After I shared my story we asked the girls to make a family crest and share about their families. As I listened to the girls share heartbreaking stories and stories of laughter, I realized God did see my heart...He gave me the opportunity to be a part of each of the girls lives! I have a HUGE family. I have lots of girls to pray for, love, invest in and hopefully show them Jesus loves them no matter what life looks like.

Once again I have been challenged to take a step back and see what God has done in my life. So often we are just moving forward just doing life. Today I challenge you to look around and see the miracles that you may not have noticed....

Walking together

The other day my daughter was having a bad day. Full of homework, disappointment and just general stress. So after dinner and before we tackled that last bit of homework, I said, we need a walk.

We took the dog for a walk around a couple blocks and I just listened to her talk and process through her day. I did take time to share what I was excited for her in the future.When we got home she finished homework, snuggled and she went to bed. Simple!

Later that night it hit me...that is what my mom used to do...take me for a walk when life felt crazy. My mom was a busy lady when I was a young girl. She was working 3 jobs and starting her life over after a brutal divorce.

I remember many times she took me for a walk to share bad news so I could ask questions without my siblings interfering. Times she took me for a walk so I could cry about boys, friends or school. I always treasured time she was able to carve out for me, and now I see these walks shaped my teen life!

My mom was not perfect, yet she was pretty close! She taught me to give myself time away from other to process my emotions and to take time to listen. I can remember many nights after her 13 hours of work she would sit in my room and not leave till I had "talked" out whatever drama I had in my life. She listened to me cry over boys, feeling stupid in school and why girls can be so mean.

I look back as a mom and stand in awe that she never made my problems feel small although looking at her life crumpling around her it would have been easy for her to compare her problems to mine and ignore my "problem". Her world really had come to an end after 19 years of marriage, the 2 weeks of dating "the boy of my dreams" was never minimized.

She always left me hopeful and looking for better the next time. She gave me hope when she must have been struggling to find some for her our future.

I am grateful to her for holding me up. This season of mom, I first want to thank her for being more than a mom to me, she was an inspiration! Second, I want you to take time to thank those in your lives that have stood beside you through thick and thin. Finally, third, inspire the next generation. You may not have children but you can pass on your knowledge to someone else. We all have time to take a quick walk to just listen!

We can change the world one walk at a time!

Time for Clarity

2018 is underway and some resolutions have fallen by the way side, others are a thorn in my side and most are going along with the plan. I have stated before I am not a big resolutions person. I make goals for myself that are often too big or not something worth continuing.

I had big plans for 2018....lots of great changes. Then boom, things make it impossible to meet your goals . I have had some health issues that have derailed my plans for 2018. I have spent the year playing caught up with fighting battles against flu and kidney stones. Over the last week I have felt so frustrated with my lack of progress. I am not a strong as I was in January, I feel behind in housework, and honestly behind in most parts of my life.

I know I am not alone, we all have plans or goals that get derailed from things we have no control over. I know even if I did have control over my big goals for 2018, I may have let them fall to the way side.

As I walk through this frustration I find several interesting facts:

1. Why God? Often that is my first question. I tend to forget His love in times of trouble. I find myself crying and being cranky instead of giving thanks all things. I am often finding a silver lining in all situations yet asking God questions that I may not ask if everything is coming up roses in my life. To be honest sometimes it takes me an embarrassing amount of time to get to my theme in life - "God has a plan for me" no matter what life throws at you we all need the reminder God has a plan and he LOVES you!

2. Best Laid Plans: For those who know me know I am not very flexible (both in life and physically). I am a very scheduled person, I like structure and HATE feeling out of control (this is why I dislike rollerskating). When things like sickness come into life it is easy to feel like life is spiraling out of control. Yet these are the times I find God. When I was lost in South Carolina without a GPS, I have never felt God's direction like I did during that time of non scheduled off roading.  I believe sometimes we need to take life's unexpected off roading trips, and find God in that moment trusting His plan!

3. Refocus: When things are going against our plan, it seems to never be just one thing. Bad situations seem to group together and hit me all at once. This last week I was so overwhelmed my the many things "going wrong" I sat in my car in the Walmart parking lot and cried. I was not even sure what to pray. My brain was mush....so that is where I started. My cry in the car that day was not for healing, to fix our finances, to fix relationships; I prayed for clarity!!

My prayer this week is for the Lord to give me clarity for His plan one day at a time. When I focus on all that is not going according to plan, it gets overwhelming. When I stop and ask God to help my mind be clear and my heart to be focused on Him - NOTHING can stop me. Yes I need things to get fixed but for now all I can control is my mind and heart.

                       

Matter of Perspective

I live in  Minnesota, where it is really cold. Today I was running errands and found myself at Target, or like many say "my happy place". I parked quickly, and since I wore my thinner winter coat, I jogged inside. (side note: if you want to see me jog just follow me on a cold day getting out of my warm car, you may have a hard time keeping up with me).

I spent some time leisurely shopping, even taking the time to look at kitchen towels...who ever has time to stop and look at kitchen towels. I checked out and went out to brave the cold (about 5 degrees F) I had too much stuff to leave the cart inside and got frustrated with the lack of cart wrangling areas. I had to walk 7-10 car lengths in the cold to return my cart...GRRR! Just then a funny thought hit me...the other day I was upset at all the silly cart wrangling areas taking up all the good parking spots.

It is all about perspective! When snow falls in MN, there are 2 types of people...those who are excited about the snow and those who are wanting to move to get away from the snow. So often in life we lose our perspective, we forget to see how life looks for others, and jump to frustration when things don't line up just right. I am guilty of all three.

I starting thinking about this idea of perspective in the Bible. It is hard to put yourself in the stories when you know the ending. Stop complaining Israelites, God is providing manna. Why is it such a big deal to be thrown in a furnace..God will rescue them. Sadness over Jesus' death does not even make sense to us since we know the ending. How often so we dwell in the moment of pain and forget to learn the lesson or rejoice in the provision provided.

I know wisdom is finding God's perspective or plan, yet most days I have a hard time taking the time to stop and find it. I think I need to slow down, look around and find the path God has for me today....even if it is a couple car lengths of uncomfortable.

Book Title for Your Life

We all have goals in life, the new year always brings out the big goals in people's lives. My husband starts his goals in November for the next year. He is always improving and pushing to be better. So the other day when he asked me if you were to write a book about your life what would be titled, I was not shocked (this is a normal line of discussion in our home). I answered with out a pause -"Finding Joy in the Valleys of Life". I was not being profound or prideful just speaking from where I am in life.

"Finding Joy in the Valleys of Life" has stuck with me for the last few weeks, I was surprised by my knee jerk response and the boldness of my answer. I am not by nature a half glass full person, I struggle with my emotions controlling my every moment. A few years ago I through a rough patch, it was not that life was harder than before or since, I just looked at everything through a negative lens. I found the bad side of every part of my life. In part, I was throwing a huge pity party, not the whole truth, but an accurate word play for the situation.

I was most hard on myself, on my husband, and on God. I blamed all of my woes on one or all of these 3. I could not see the support of my husband at every turn, all I saw was the pain. I focused on the loss of another baby and my beloved dog. I saw no reason to continue to have hope, belief, or joy.  After a year of living in the valley, not willing to turn on a flashlight.

In the misted of this time, one morning my husband came into the room and said this is my song for you Tunnel by Third Day, it was beginning of a break through. We later went to a conference that my husband was speaking at, I did not want to go, in fact I cried most of the plane ride with worst case scenarios running through my mind. I had definitely lost my faith, joy and hope.

I was there to support my husband, but God had a different plan. No the heaven did not open up with singing angels, no voice of God, or divine moment I can point to. I just remember riding back after the conference to the airport with hope in my heart for the first time in over a year.

I have since found not much can take away my hope, joy or faith. It has grown stronger everyday and life has actually gotten hard. I found my focus was off. I now focus on the simple things in my life and find too many things to be grateful for everyday. The joy that comes in the morning after a night of tears.

I am not perfect in any way, yet I have made a choice to choose joy in my everyday life. It is a choice, I could focus on the bad health report, or I believe God has a plan and find a way to make my new life better. Focusing on the positive in the midst of the valley is not easy, I think it about being honest, not about not mourning the things that need to be mourned, but looking up for the light at the end of tunnel and continuing to step forward.

My question to you is what is your focus on in your valley? Please know there is always hope! God, family and a new lens can change your journey through the valley.

 Is it time to redefine your life and find a new title to your life story!

photo from our 20 yr anniversary trip to Pompeii