Fresh Start?

Funny how we set New Year's resolutions and goals so many do not finish them and many don't even start them.

Yes there are big things we tend to focus on: stop smoking, weight loss, money, get organized, make more meaningful relationships. All great things that are not easy to achieve in the time we normally allot for this New Years resolutions. We need to break these things down into obtainable goals and remember each one of these goals are things that are a lifestyle choice not a once a year choice.

Of course we all want to be financially sound, fit and healthy, with lots of meaning relationships living in a house organized my Peter Walsh.  Yet how do we go from where we are to the IDEAL we set up on January 1st?

We could to set up smaller goals to start. Commit to the new lifestyle. Make S.M.A.R.T. goals. Find an accountability partner. List can go on and on.

I would like to challenge you before you set any ideals for next year, you take a day or even a week to pray on what God's ideals for your next year are. I have found all the goals and dreams I set up seem to start out with a bang and fizzle quickly.

When I lost my 50 lbs (and have kept off). several years ago, I had tried everything! Then when I gave up and talked to God about it, something clicked and then lifestyle change started. It was not about the goal it was about the change in my spirit that made all the difference. I let go of my fears and worked toward a lifestyle God put on my heart.

That is how all my lifestyle changes have stuck, I found God's plan. I believe with all my heart that if God is with me in any change it is possible. Not easier, but always with much more wisdom then I bring to the table (or dare I say - even more wisdom than Pinterest can bring)

My prayer for you as we ring in this new year: May God be your guide in all you do. And may God's favor rest on the plans and steps you take this year.

Are you a naughty little monkey?

Monkey's hanging from the dining room chandelier. 2015

Every year in the month of December we do a different kind of "Elf on the Shelf". We use a stuffed penguin that teaches about Jesus everyday. It is so fun and I look forward to the themes and creativity it takes to keep it fresh. This year I chose Christmas songs to be the focus. So everyday the penguin (named Pete) does something to reminder her of a Christmas song then he sends an email with a quick lesson and a video of the song.

Now many people are anti things like this for several reason, one being too much work. This year I have learned something from my little penguin friend. I have discovered that I learn from him too. I know it sounds funny (and in truth it is). Since every night I write a lesson on Jesus, I have come to the conclusion of how little I spend thinking about the simplicity, depth and creativity of our God. Taking time every day to make God's love real to an 8 yr old in her language with a song theme, has done wonders for my faith. 

For example last night the penguin did "Christmas Monkey" from her favorite Christmas movie "A Very Monkey Christmas" starring Curious George. Now this brilliant idea came late in the day and I thought of hanging the monkeys from a chandelier.  Super cute idea, then it came time to send the email  - oh no!!! What does this have to do with God?

God is so gracious to me as He gave me a thought. We are all naughty little monkeys who need forgiveness and do not deserve God's love.

To be honest it was humbling as I wrote her simple email and sent it. God loved me enough to give up His son and I spend my time swinging from the chandeliers in life not paying much attention to His sacrifice.

May we all take time this Christmas season and let the every day "chores" (like my penguin Pete) show us God's grace and favor in our lives! 

Tis the Season

What does this season mean to you? I know the right answer...Jesus. But the truth is, you see what is important to you when you look through you calendar and bank account.

When you look close into you finances you will see what is important to you and your family. Every year I tell my daughter Christmas is about giving and then you look at your checkbook (or for me my amazon account) is a hard truth to see. It is not always pretty or fun to look at where you are really spending you money. If you had to share your bank account with a friend, would you be proud of what is in black and white? For me I think of my missionary friends who sacrifice so much would I be ashamed of my spending.

Monkey see, monkey do. Our kids see how we spend our money. They see how we give! They learn our values (and learns their values) by watching us. Will remember that toy giving to another child in need more than the toy they get to add to the pile of toys they have?

Our 12 days of giving tree! 

Time!!!!!!!!!!! How do you spend your time this season. I am not saying in a soup kitchen or on the street handing out blankets. Let's look at our every day. Are you stressed about getting stuff done? Are you taking time to make memories or are you working very hard on making things perfect? I am no where near where I would like to be on this. It is such a hard balance of making memories and getting stressed about making memories. Are you spending time running around or with family? If you say family is first, are you spending your time with them.

God is my first priority, but am I making Him my focus this season. Are we attending church services or standing in line to see Santa? This is so hard in our world. Jesus is the reason for this season. Yes we have a nativity and a Jesus birthday cake, yet is that really what I want my daughter to remember about Christmas. I want her to know this holiday is the reason I have HOPE for my daily life. Jesus coming to earth is the reason for my hope.

I hope you are challenged to be more aware of your actions this season. Have fun and make memories. Spread the hope to the next generation!

1 of these things are not like the others...

What in your life is "not like everyone else"? We are all different and we are so judgmental of people when they are different from us. In my opinion it's because it makes uncomfortable.

I know that there is a huge sigma with having an only child and that adoption "should be" the fix. Yet again every family is different and you should only go down the "normal" path if that is the path God has for you.

My 2015 Christmas ornament 

Do you try to do the norm just to not argue or feel like a weirdo? Is that what is best for you?

Is it time to embrace the "nerd" within (or the single adult, mom of an only, you fit you you are here)? I am learning to embrac lots of truths about myself this year that make others uncomfortable.

I have embraced my family of 3. We are quirky and we have a ton of fun! I have embraced my curves, even if they are in not "normal" places. I have embraced my love of most things sci-fi.

What do you need to embrace about yourself that make others uncomfortable? I have many more things to embrace. God will continue to work on me. I have a great adventure ahead of myself and my family of 3!

Merry Christmas to all my fellow nerds! Go forth and Embrace the nerd within

Riding the Roller-coaster

Our lives are about stages: baby, toddler, school age, teens, young adult, married, parents, grandparent, retired, death. So many more that could be added but not the point of this blog.

When you enter the married stage the first question people ask (sometimes even in the reception line at your wedding) so when are you having kids? Wow, no pressure there. 

What many people do not experience for long is the waiting on a baby. Some wait weeks, months some even years. but what many of the women forget (or do not talk about) is the monthly roller-coaster you are on.

You clock out the right time or temperatures, then you "feel" a little different this month. Oh my, could it be? You count out the months....July wow JULY! Wait  - do not get excited you do not know anything yet. But I am excited this could finally be it! See that sausage smell totally made me gag! Should I say something or wait? I should wait don't want to be Peter "crying wolf" again. Today I am so tired! Wait I am so tired, how exciting!!!! I know this is the month, God has heard my prayers. And my pants are a little tighter that before.

And then it comes (insert screams, creepy music, and fog). Your hopes are dashed, and you are in pain. This is why my pants were tight! Oh and the tears - the river flows swifter with your tears.

The counting starts again, August would be okay too. Yeah August better for my job schedule and vacation time anyway. Yep, August gives me an extra month to re organize that room. God's time is perfect I am so glad "He is in charge"...

Over and over and over. So many women are on this roller-coaster in silence and alone. Why? 

For those who have never struggled with infertility or miscarriages, you may have your own private roller-coaster. Eating roller-coasters, relationship roller-coaster, financial roller-coaster, the list could go on and on. You make a plan, it seems to be working and then the wheels fall off (you ate the box of cookies) and you feel hopeless again. But you get up, dust of the crumbs and make a new plan!

We are not alone. We have other women, they may not be going through exactly your (insert your Struggle) going through but they roller-coaster in other areas.

The most important thing to remember is God has a plan. When Daniel was thrown in the den with lions -  I would like to think he was climbing the walls, crying/yelling, making his plan to escape. I am willing to admit maybe he was calm, but I can tell you either way God had a plan. Daniel did not know the plan was to save him, he prayed and hoped it was, but he did NOT know! Only God know his plan.

I am believing: baby or no baby, skinny or beautifully curvy, rich or poor - God has a plan. I am currently climbing my walls looking for an escape not willing to look down to see the loins peacefully resting and finding amusement in my struggle. When I take the time to listen I hear God's love surrounding me in their silence.

May you take the time to hear God's love in your struggle!

Death of a dream!

A little under 2 years ago my dream of having another child died with a miscarriage. I was broken physically, spiritually, and emotionally! With that miscarriage went my hope, at the age of 39 pregnancy is not easy to come by.

This has been hard to have hope in any the areas of my life. It is interesting that when hope or a dream dies in one area, all the hopes and dreams in your life seem to be second guessed. No matter how much you trust in God, the loss of hope is hard to find faith.

Many people experience loss of hope is so many parts of their lives, losing a child or parent, being single when your desire is to be married, divorce (yours or your parents), loss of a job, the lost can go on and on. How do we step out into life again. To be frank, I have not. I have pulled away from everyone and hidden under my covers! Getting out of bed (for other falling asleep) has been hard. I will be completely variable: My HOPE was gone, not suicidal, just full of hopelessness.  I saw no light, I gave up on myself (who cares what I eat or if I exercise - no baby = no reason to care). I got up ever morning to fulfill my duties, not to live life. I prayed because it is what a pastor's wife does not because I figured God cared. I went to church to keep my daughter in church, not because God had plan for me.

Amazing how something which may seem small to others can cripple the way we live. I quit several of my ministries because it was to painful to see pregnant women and little kids. The life loving, dream chasing, laughing woman had died with my hope for a another child.

Then in May, my husband was asked to speak at a conference for prayer leaders across the nation, and they would pay for me to go with. I am sure you guessed, I struggled to say yes. I really did not want to go. I decided to be a support to him and say I would go, I thought, I can stay in the room and nap! When the week before this retreat came, I was wishing for a way out...the tears are now not daily but hourly! I see the schedule and I am expected to be at the retreat which has no tv, no internet, and please do not use your phone policies plus 4 days of just praying and eating....no joke! I was okay with the eating plan but the praying plan seemed pointless and overwhelming to me.

To say that week was life changing would under sell it. I have hope again, not spotlights and glitter hope like before, but "I can make it" hope! Why, I found God's love again that weekend, through others and in prayer with Him!Being in God's presence will always change you. Pushing to find a new hope or dream through Him. Making small steps I can find a new hope or dream. Do I still cry daily - YES, hourly no! Small steps of hope through daily talking and listening to the One who gives hope.

I pray you can find your hope again! Be kind to yourself. you do not try to be over your lose when others think it is time. Find time to be with God, not out of duty but to cry with Him and hear his heart crying with you! And remember take your mom's advice one day at a time, God will give you hope again.

No more tears!

When a dream dies... God may say

Susan Cain: The power of introverts

Pink Ninja

Years ago we were out to lunch. On the way out the door my brother offered to buy my then 3 yr old daughter something out of the $.25 machines. She wanted a small ninja. The one in the plastic ball was blue, she wanted pink. Of course what little girl doesn't love pink!

A little while later we went to visit Santa. She sits on his lap and says,  "I want a pink ninja for Christmas" Santa laughs and so do we.  What 3 yr old girls wants a ninja?

My mom has been great about always trying to get what she asks Santa for. The funny thing is they do not make pink ninjas in the $.25 machine. How do we know? Yes lots of ninjas were bought and finally a white ninja was painted pink.

Fast forward years later my almost 8 yr old daughter. The ninja is displayed prominently to remind me to pray for several things.

1. May my little girl find unconditional love. may she see God's love in a real way in her life.

2. May she find a husband that will buy all the ninjas to help her continue in her faith. May he stand with her in the tough times. Just like she sees her dad do for her mom.

3. Finally, may she never be underestimated. Always her sense of whimsy, and knowledge that life is not fair but we serve a God that loves us and cares enough to paint a white ninja pink.

I love her little pink ninja. I so often need to remember that I may look at my life and see all "blue ninjas" but God is not done yet. He knows the desires of my heart. Until my pink ninja comes, I am going to thank God for all the blue ones in my life. I live in abundance. And God loves me!