Learning to find balance

SO this blog is all about me finding balance in this crazy world. We are all busy and never have time. I am striving to find time for what I know is important. We all work in some way, I happen to be a working mom who often find myself stressed out about things that really don't matter in the grand scheme of things.

As I face this giant in my life (finding the balance), I want to still be all things for all people. I never want to be the person that says no, I am too busy. So because of that I find life is spinning, some days life a ball someone else is juggling, I am continuing to always trying to go above and beyond.

Making a steps toward my goal, I found myself in a place that I often find myself. A wonderful friend who could use a meal and I want to help. Now normally I would have spent a ton of money and time on other families meals and taking my taking my family to McDs (I have spent all of my enegry trying to look good to someone else and then I put my family second). I would then be beating myself up about not having balance or bounderies.

My baby step this time around was to look at our monthly menu plan and figure out what would work to double and bring my friend excactly what we were eating. It was so simple, almost a duh moment?!, yet for me it was a huge humbling step. This wonderful friend would know that I am not super mom, I feed my family chicken strips. Hope this means I am learning to find balance and I can still be super mom...LOL!

New Normal

It is fall and for many of us it is the start of many new adventures. I work in a school and spend all summer getting ready for the first week in Sept. This last summer was a very busy summer at work and in our ministry. Now we are looking at the fall and thinking of it as a new a start.

My daughter starts a new preschool, she will one busy 4 year old with preschool and speech, that will have her out of the house for 4 full days.  My job seems to be changing although I have no idea what that means yet. And our ministry well, you never now what that has in store.

Life is always interesting as you follow the voice of God. yet I am finding that I am at a cross roads waiting for His direction. It is a strange place to be, I have been here before but it never really looks the same. I wait to see if God where wants me, both places fit but I do not want to be somewhere out of His plan. So I ask myself, "how do I decide?". The answer once again is wait.

***It has been several weeks since I started this post and I stopped hoping I would have something creative to say. Weeks later more confused than before but still sure that God is in control.

Seasons come and go yet God stays the same. I am sure that is in the Bible somewhere :)

My life may not have slowed down or I may have not found my rhythm in this new normal, but I can say I am going to enjoy this new life while I have it because life can change in an instant.

the best sermon I have ever heard...

many years ago I heard a sermon that changed my thoughts on God and has been what I have gone back to many times.

The title sums it up "God is in Control and He loves you" I wish I could break it into the points that were preached, but I just remember the idea so you will have to hear my mini sermon :)
The first point is so big, our God is big. He made the world, put the planets in orbit, and made the human body and all of it marvelous parts. Amazing all that He is; it is hard to wrap your mind around His majesty. But when you look at the Bible and past you see God's hand (finger prints) all over it. He is in control of everything!!
And just as important He Love me (& you). God gave His son for all of us. God created us to spent time with Him. He adores us and wants to have a relationship with us. He must love us.

I know may of you are like wow Jen this is not life changing (yet it is). We already heard this many times. Yes I have too but not together. God is on my side. He is not up in heaven thinking of ways to make me jump through hoops.

As a mom I love my daughter with all that I am and everything I can control to make her life fun, successful and positive I WILL do. No one can stop me from being her path maker. And we have God as our path maker. Now I am not able to stop everything bad from happening to my daughter but I will stand with her through every scrap and fall.

I go back to God is in control and He loves me more than I care to admit. I love remembering that God is on my side and no matter the circumstance.

In the years since the sermon was preached life has not been easy. I could spend paragraphs talking about what the past years have held; the good, the bad and the very ugly! But I have always gone back to this phrase. When life gave me lemons (sometimes old shrived ones) I have gone back to the fact that there must be a reason for this fruit. God has been there through my tears and I can see his hand in the past years. Because of this phrase I have taken time to see God in my circumstances and seeing His hand comforts me.

This sermon was preached by my hubby in a church we have since closed. Closing a church is not fun. It is a humbling, hurtful, and not for the faint of heart (church planting was easy compared to closing the church plant). I remember thinking WHY? Only now I see God's hand through that confusing time. He guided us to a new more powerful ministry that would not be where it is if we had not go through the closing of a church. Our ministry is to be with pastor's as they go through valleys in their ministry and unfortunately we needed to live in the valley to understand where they are. Now we are able to say God was in control in those valleys.

I pray you may find a way to see God is in control of your life and He wants the best for you.

finding the truth

As many know my hubby is gone quite a bit for ministry. I am "holding down the fort" for the family/ministry. this is not how I pictured my life even 3 yrs ago. In this last month or two I have learned alot about myself.

 I have discovered that one of the best decisions I ever made was marrying my best friend at 20 yrs old. Our relationship has helped me form into the woman of strength I am today. My relationship with God is stronger after watching my hubby's faith.

I have discovered i need a hobby :) My daughter, husband, and work has become my life and it is time to find something fun for myself!

I am not afraid. I thought that I would be fearful of being alone or alone with myself. The quiet has been one of my fears and I have conquered it.(at least for today)

I am stronger emotional, physically, and spiritually than I ever thought.

The last discovering I have made is the most important to me. God is my rock. I have have some heavy rains in my life and many this year. As the foundations have been shaken and the sand has been washed away and My Rock has remained. He is my cornerstone!

granola momma

Today we hosted a play date with a very sweet little girl. Throughout the play time I learned alot about myself. I found myself realizing things that I value and hold as a must in my daughters life.

I must have things clean and organized. I have struggled with this my whole life. I will never forget a dear friend in high school come over and shovel out my room (she is a saint for remaining my friend after that day/week). I am not perfect in this area, quite the contrary. Yet I have found I feel great relaxation and calm when everything is neat and tidy. And I am attracted to people that have a gift for tidiness (aka my hubby).

I also greatly value gratitude. I today found myself ruffled by the bluntness (not rudeness) of this little girl. I think that any sentence or request can be soften by a kind tone or polite phrase. I did not understand why I am so hard on my daughter about tone and politeness until today. "A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down!!" (insert tune)

Last and most surprising to me. When a year ago we decided to make a lifestyle change when it can to our health I did not see today happening. Today I felt like a granola eating, free loving, hippie mom. The little girl would not eat any of my food because it was whole grain bread, homemade mac & cheese, and weird looking carrots (she actually said "what are these?", I said, "they are fresh cut carrots"...She said "I don't eat those kind of carrots") I had no junk food to serve, no boxes to open, and felt like wow, I guess I must have really changed my lifestyle. I actually do value fresh healthy food for me and my family . Now to get those last couple lbs off and the change will be complete LOL!!!

I am striving to be better and have a long way to go. Thank you Lord for the patience with myself to make the changes I need and the wisdom to see what changes I have not yet embraced!



I first am going to say the little girl is a great girl and I did not realize all the things I am going to say because she did not do them

I Am!

Just a few days till my hubby leaves for an overseas trip for almost a month. I was going into this season with lots of plans and uncertainty. As I look ahead I began to feel overwhelmed and scared until a still small voice reminded me of a great true "I am".

When I am feeling unable, I know that God has given us a promise that He is able. I am not something, I need to remember that God said I am. He is my provider, my comforter, and my all.

I know what God has called me to as my hubby goes to do ministry. My job is to make life at home as normal as possible, finding calmness in "I am" in the mist of storms (figurative ones and real one too), and praying!

I believe that when I am not something God is the I am. when I feel exhausted "I am energy and patience", when I feel anxious "I am peace", when I feel lost "I am the way and the truth", when I feel sad "I am joy".

I hope to learn all about the truth that God is my I am in every situation. Thank you Lord for your provision in every part of my and my families life. watch the blog to see what God is up to in the ministry overseas and the homefront.(I think the homefront will be exciting-LOL)

Time is Money

 Time is money seems to be the theme of my generation . We live our lives in this "truth". We find our selves make decisions on this principle. How much am I paid per hour and is this worth my time.

The other day I was thinking about going 20 mins out of my way for a cheap oil change and I was trying to calculate my time into the equation, when God whispered to me, "Your time is a gift from me".

Time is a gift from God that I so often take for granted and do not use properly. I spend time trying to save it, stretch it, and or make it work for me. It is not about fitting in every thing into my schedule that God was talking about.
*Time is not to be worried or stressed about. Now, I know none of you stress about not having enough hours in the day. God is trying to teach me that He gave us 24 hours and the ability to handle all that He has for us. Time to prioritize His goals and find Him in all I do.

*Time is a real gift. God did not say I think people could get by with only 24 hours a day. I am blessed to have the whole 24 hours and know that God knows it is enough. I have faith that He is enough for me in every other part of my life but I can never have enough time. Makes me laugh when I think about it in that terms. I believe God created the universe but he did not give me enough time to accomplish all I "need" to.

*Time is about how you spend it. Am I spending my time wisely can fall into the time is money way of life. I feel God is calling me to a new place with time. Is my time quality? We all have the same quantity of time but those who are successful make their time quality.

Quality is the the way I am now looking at my day. Did I spend quality time with my family, give myself the quality time I need to be a "successful" person, did I spend time doing what God wanted for the day?

Going into a new season

Spring is in the air, well sort of. I love this time of year, the cool nights and no so hot days. Maybe most of us our thinking about spring cleaning and gardening. I know I have thought about both, it hasn't gone much further than just thoughts.

 Life is looking like more than just the calendar changing, my life is changing. I have been working on a full lifestyle change since Easter 2010. It has been a fun adventure. I have lost almost 50 lbs, run/walked my first 5k, and gotten of blood pressure medication (which I have been on for 7 or more yrs). Those are all external things but God has also been doing a lifestyle change in my life.

I am learning to find Him in the quiet moments, loving where He has placed me (at work, new church, or at home with my 4 yr old), and going on an adventure in getting to know Him in a new way through the Bible. I am not sure that this is worthy of blogging. Yet I share it anyway :)

These next couple months are looking to be challenging. Kevin will be traveling alot and life/schedule must keep going even with daddy/hubby gone. I am nervous yet at the same time excited to see what God will do with Kevin's ministry and my ministry (here at home).

I will be blogging during his absence, to talk about how much I notice His presence in our lives while Kevin is out following God's call on his life :0

Mommy needs a time out

wow it has been a long couple weeks and I am exhausted in every part of my life.

• Spiritually I am being stretched in places that need the exercise but boy am I sore. I know the God has some kind of plan and I am not seeing the next step ahead let alone the path I should take. I have been taking time to read my Bible, but I am finding that sometimes that can be stretching instead of filling. Crazy sounding but think about it, when you are out of shape either a little or a whole lot that first couple workouts are tough and you don't necessarily want to keep going you have to have an end goal insight to work past the sore muscles.
• Emotionally I feel confused, when your life is spinning and decisions need to be made your emotions have a had time keeping up. I am a baker and love recipes, when it comes to walking in faith God doesn't always give you a recipe or even a list of ingredients. Emotionally I really want a recipe. We as a family have big decisions to make and I can not wrap my feelings around any of it. I emotionally want to shut down and just coast through. Sad but true.
• Physically I am overwhelmed by all that "needs" to be done. Am a working out, dieting and feel like I am not making progress. That makes for real sore muscles and tired feet. Wow chasing after a preschooler, cleaning, and working can take a toll on every woman and none of us take time to rest. I know I don't. "I can do everything" is my motto.I need to change that motto to God can do everything and I can rest!!
• Mentally...... with everything said above I think the conclusion is obvious :) 

I need to take a time out when and where is the question....

Fire Hose Faith

Elijah was a man of great faith and that would not be something someone would say about me. Right now we as a family we are praying about taking some major steps/leaps of faith.

This week I have thought about Elijah and the alter. He poured water on an alter and then prayed for God's fire to fall on it. That story has been so challenging to me lately. I feel like we have the call to wait for God to set our "alter" on fire and someone has taken a fire hose and is dowsing it with tons of water. As it continues to be flooded I stand with by my backup matches. (matches because I don't want to look like a fool)

As I struggle to see God in these circumstances, I wonder how Elijah felt as he filled the buckets with water. I can imagine that Elijah may not have been sure that pouring all this water and waiting for fire from heaven was such a good idea but kept moving forward in faith.

I am sure that this was not the first time he put his "faith" in God. God so often starts by showing us His power through small things (we just need to keep our eyes and hearts open) then as things He asks us to seem to get bigger He reminds us of the past victories.

Now I am not saying I ready to put away my matches and to be honest I don't think God is offended by me holding them either. He is big enough to handle my lack of faith, I just need to continue to be following the steps He wants me to take. And yes I am continuing to pray that someone turns of the fire hose, enough is enough already, right?

Today I am waiting for God to send down fire on my very wet alter.

***did I mention I hate waiting LOL Remembering God is in control!!

New Bible reading thoughts

I know I need to work on my titles but hopefully the content is better :)

This week I made a strange discovery I like reading books. But when it comes to the NIV Bible I am looking ahead and wondering when I can be done, why the numbers! The Living Bible reads like a book and doesn't have the numbers to stop my flow. I have always been a little skeptical of the Living Bible, yet because of the ease of reading I am going to give it a try.

I think the most amazing part of this whole thing is I was reading last week and in the first paragraph I found something that really spoke to me ("God takes care of the details") and I wanted to keep reading. So crazy my deal was read till you find something you can mediate on all week and boom it right there. Normally I would have stopped and thanked God for the quickness by His grace, finding inspiration that fast, yeah!

I am excited about what God has in this "new" book for me, that phrase has been life changing! And this week I missed my set time to read and I am excited about getting into it on another day instead. No guilt, No worry about following a formula, and no going back!

God takes care of the details - letting that phrase penetrate into every part of your life (work, family, finances, house cleaning, everything!!)

schedule

So a week or so ago my pastor was preaching on what is you could heard God more clearly. I was so excited about hearing some great secret and was to be honest disappointed with the content, it was about Bible reading. Now his message was life changing but why did my heart sink when I heard "read your Bible to hear from God"?

So he went on to talk about how daily bible reading is a great way to hear from God, which I total agree with! But as I was in service I was thinking about when, going over my daily schedule and found part of my problem...at midnight might work, right?! So as I thought there beginning to feel frustrated, I hear a soft voice saying this is between you and Me.

Wow I have spent 30 some years felling frustrated, guilty, or undeserving and just now understand that Bible reading is not some magic formula.

As I continued my conversation with God I realized that right now, in this season of my life, one day a week really trying to hear from God in my Bible reading time is much better than hours a day doing out of guilt or with a must do this attitude. Not to say that this may not change in the future but for now I am going to live in His grace and find time to read His word once a week. (Monday during my daughter's quiet time).

Bible reading

okay here we go, this may be the last day you read this blog but sometimes the truth hurts. I for the first time in my life I was honest about my Bible reading habits to a dear friend. Then in turn I told my husband my "new" found "wisdom" on Bible reading and this morning he is ready to write a book about this. LOL When he said that I thought I am going to very open in this blog about my Bible habits, feelings, and experiences so I will become my husband’s co author...

Bible reading is all or nothing for me and more often than not it is nothing. I do read the scripture the pastor has put on the screen on Sunday morning's if that counts and for many a moon that has counted for me. I have decided I am not alone. Many Godly men and women struggle with Bible reading. I am not a super Christian or ever claim to be one, but God still is my everything. I find Him still moving in my life, directing, challenging, and loving me even though the scriptures are not being read. Now many of you have stopped reading this and made a judgment that I am against Bible reading, quite the contrary. I was taught at a very young age that the Bible is your phone line to our God and I do believe that. So why am I not picking up the phone?

I am going to admit it is boring, overwhelming, and has not made a big impact in my life...why? I asked God. He spoke in a clear way, you have been doing it wrong and because you HAD to. I have learned as a parent if a child is doing something because they have to, it is not as effective as if they get to or want to. I have heard reading your Bible compared to eating veggies. The both make you stronger and aren't always fun to do.

I have to believe that the God who loves me and gave His Son to die for me would not make getting to know Him a difficult thing.

So I am on a journey to discover what God has for me in the Bible. I have read it through many times in my life but just because I had to. Now with eyes of a child looking at a candy jar, I am going to read His word and see what I have missed!

MORE TO COME!

2011

wow, it has been a long time since I have blogged, but since it is part of my 2011 goals. I am going to list the for all to see (even though no one have ever read this yet)
1.blog once a wk
2.run a 5k
3.weight (yeah that's not happening till I am closer 40lbs to go)
4.40 dates with my hubby
5. job
6. get emergency fund up to $1,000 and debit down$1,000
7. 50 top movie list with Kev

some of these are very tough and others well I need to reconnect with my family and focus less on my job.

I will update you soon